A news report from St. Petersburg, Russia, told of a wife who, as she angrily left the apartment she shared with her uncaring husband, jerked the control arm on the end of the sofa upon which her inebriated husband was seated. She returned three hours later from shopping to find that the sofa, which folded up into the wall like a "Murphy Bed," had, in fact done so as a result of her moving the control arm. Her husband had been folded into the storage space and had died. I have been reflecting on the possibility of furniture as weapon and my musings have led to the following list, with more to follow, I'm sure.
Dirty Harry no longer needs a Smith and Wesson: "This is a 44" Sears and Roebuck, the most powerful recliner in the world. Do you feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?"
Policeman to wife: "Ma'am, we have reason to believe you are in danger. We searched your husband's pick-up after a routine traffic stop and found a swivel rocker in the back with the serial number filed off."
Woman to investigator: "Of course it was an accident. I was vacuuming the cushions and the love seat just went off."
Suicidal man: "Stay back! I have a card table and I'm not afraid to use it!"
Dr. Phil: "What kind of parent lets her children play with a loaded rocking chair?"
To an intruder: "With a scatter rug at this range I can't possibly miss."
Man explaining his victim's serious injuries: "It's not my fault. I only intended to scare him with the grandfather clock, but it was midnight and it struck 12 times on its own."
Defense Lawyer: "It was obviously a crime of passion. If it had been premeditated he would have used the sofa instead of a love seat."
CIA: "It was obviously Al Qaeda. How do you explain him being smothered by an afgan?
